Courtship Rituals
by RiseAgainPhoenix
Summary: Warning: YAOI Set five to ten years in the future. Rei's still hopelessly drooling after Kai, and Kai's still...well, Kai.


A/N: I want to make it very clear that this is my first Beyblade fic, and it will be my last if I can help it. Not that I have anything against Beyblade...I'm just not a fan. My friend Phillis, however, is a *huge* fan, and I wrote this fic specially for her, as her birthday present.  
  
Disclaimers: Don't own. To be honest, don't even want to own. ::gets killed by fangirls::  
  
If someone put a gun to his head and forced him to tell the absolute truth, Rei would have to say that Kai scared him. Not a lot, mind you. It wasn't like he felt like pissing his pants every single time Kai passed by. Only sometimes. Kai was an intimidating individual. He had a cool glare, a domineering presence, and a harsh personality. He expected everyone to bend to his will, and his authoritative manner made it impossible not to. He was also cold and uncaring, and just plain scary. And scarily sexy.  
  
Yes, Rei thought he was sexy. Undeniably so. *Overwhelmingly* so. It was just his luck that he was attracted to the most emotionless bastard on the team---perhaps on the planet.  
  
"Hey, how 'bout we carry on these festivities back at my place?" Tyson said, intruding on Rei's musings.  
  
"No way I'm going to that rat hole," Kai sneered from the personal corner he had staked out for himself in the locker room.  
  
Tyson, a little huffy, shot back, "Oh yeah? Then what say we go to your high and mighty mansion? Or is it too good for your team mates, the ones who've just helped you win the Beyblade Pro League Championships?"  
  
Kai rolled his eyes. "Whatever."  
  
That was about as close to an invitation as they were ever going to get, so the Bladebreakers packed up to go to Kai's. Along the way, they talked excitedly about the events that had only just occurred. Well, must of them talked---Kai was way too busy being aloof and perfect to join in. "Isn't it supercool that we've finally accomplished our goal? We're pro champs now! Isn't that totally awesome?" Max gushed.  
  
"Yeah, I'm so good!" Tyson exclaimed, jumping up and down animatedly.  
  
Rei cheered good-naturedly with the rest of them, but his mind was preoccupied. They had never been to any of Kai's palaces before; it was bound to be awkward. And Rei had a sneaking suspicion that they'd be staying there for at least a week---it had been a while since they last hung out, all of them together. Tyson would no doubt be incessantly annoying and Max would pull the puppydog eyes until they tortured another "whatever" out of Kai. Rei groaned inwardly. How the hell was he supposed to survive living in such close proximity with Kai?!  
  
Before long, they reached the huge mansion. "Whoooaa...it's even bigger than I imagined!" Tyson said, his voice heavy with awe. "Your kitchen must be *gigantic*!" he cried, mouth already watering at the prospect.  
  
Kai growled, but said nothing. Tyson bolted to the impressively massive oak front doors, and the others followed at amore reserved pace. "Ha, cool! You have one of those gargoyle knocker things!" Tyson reached up, and before anyone could stop him, knocked with a resounding bang.  
  
"Great going, idiot," Kai ground out between his teeth, "You've just alerted the whole house. We could have just sneaked in quietly, but now we'll have to greet everyone." He shot Tyson one of his patented 'if looks could disembowel, your guts would paint the ground' glares, but Tyson had become quite immune to them after years of being on the receiving end.  
  
The heavy front doors swung open. "Ah, the victorious young Master returns," a tall butler said smartly. He looked at the others. "And he brings friends," he commented, voice tinged with distaste.  
  
"Stuff it, old man," Kai said with his usual polite respect.  
  
Old Man held the door open as Kai herded his team mates in. "For chrissakes, Tyson, take off your shoes before you go running around. And the rest of you, too. Take them off, or we'll never hear the end of it," Kai half-said, half-muttered. They all obeyed without a word.  
  
"Master Voltaire has been notified of your arrival," Old Man told them. Kai nodded coolly, then ignored him. The butler took this as a dismissal and promptly made himself scarce.  
  
Rei stood in the middle of the hall, watching Kai as he took stock of the situation. Tyson had departed to the kitchen, and alarming noises of paper ripping, lips smacking, drawers opening, and guttural cries of "yum!" kept coming from said kitchen. Max had followed the butler, who was hopefully showing him to his room and then locking him in that room. Kenny had wandered off to check out his high-speed Internet connection. "Damn, they've taken over my house," Kai said to himself, loud enough for Rei to hear. "They'll be in my way for weeks---how the hell am I supposed to get any training done?"  
  
"Kai, come on, relax," Rei said. "We just won the Pro Championships! Can't you let up on the training for a little bit?"  
  
Kai turned to him, and Rei just about wet his pants. If it was possible to wet your pants while simultaneously orgasming in them. Kai opened his mouth. Rei thought he'd die. "Relaxing is for the weak, Rei, and I'm not weak."  
  
"I know that," Rei told him appeasingly. Lord knows you assert that fact enough, he thought. "But---"  
  
"No buts," Kai said forcefully. "Excuses are for the weak too. While everyone else is celebrating, I've already got my mind on the next competition. And you should too. Constantly driving yourself and practicing are the only ways to ensure victory. I refuse to settle for anything less than victory." With that speech, Kai shouldered Rei out of his way (even though the hall was plenty wide) and went upstairs.  
  
When Rei had quite recovered from being touched---touched! Their shoulders had TOUCHED!---by Kai, he looked around. The place was enormous. Where the hell was he supposed to stay?! He was on the verge of panicking when Tyson came by. "Oh, hey, Rei. Man, you should stop by the kitchen--- never-ending food! It's awesome."  
  
"Do you know where we're supposed to be staying?" he asked, shaking his head when Tyson offered him a cookie from his handful.  
  
"Yeah, it's right up there. Here, I'll show you."  
  
Rei followed Tyson up to a large guest room. "Kenny and Max took that one, so I guess you're bunking with me," he said cheerfully, while Rei groaned. "What? Something wrong with sleeping near me?" Tyson questioned testily.  
  
"No, it's not that." Rei sighed. "It's just, I don't know if I can stand living so close to Kai."  
  
Tyson laughed. "It's not like Kai can't defend himself. What're you gonna do, rape him?"  
  
"Not so loud!" Rei exclaimed. "Everybody will hear you!"  
  
"So what? It's not like they don't know you like Kai."  
  
Rei's eyes narrowed. "You told them?"  
  
"Dude, why would I need to? You're pretty obvious about it. Everyone knows that you want Kai's powerful arms around you, holding you close while his mouth slowly devours you."  
  
It was at that convenient moment that Old Man happened to appear without knocking. He cleared his throat.  
  
"Oh, hey Gunther. Is it suppertime yet?"  
  
Old Man, whose real name was apparently Gunther, shook his head decidedly and said, "No. However, it is time for you to meet Master Voltaire.  
  
Both Rei and Tyson paled visibly. Kai's grandfather? The same one who had tried to take over the world? "Lead on," Tyson said with a weak smile.  
  
They were shown to a dining room and seated at the table. The table went well with the general theme of the Hiwatari mansion: namely, huge. Kenny and Max were already there, looking respectively nervous and curious. Before long, Kai showed up. He looked around the table with faint annoyance, then chose a seat next to Rei. Rei nearly cheered with elation, but Tyson sent him a sharp kick under the table. Rei was in the middle of giving him a grateful look ("Thank you for finally being useful for *something*, Tyson!") when a door opened.  
  
"Master Voltaire Hiwatari," Gunther announced, then exited. Voltaire entered.  
  
"Grandpa," Kai acknowledged with a nod. Voltaire nodded back, then took a seat at the head of the table. "Hello, and welcome. What a pleasure it is to finally meet you. Kai has always told me such wonderful things about you."  
  
They all blinked in surprise.  
  
"Well, as wonderful as possible, under the circumstances. After all, there are only so many nice things you can say about a bunch of juvenile, immature, annoying brats with limited blading skills and bad personal hygiene." Ah, that sounds more like Kai. Hiwataris senior and junior both smirked an identical smirk at them.  
  
"Go on, introduce yourselves. I would like to know more about each of you. You must have some hidden good points if a Hiwatari chooses to associate with you," Voltaire said.  
  
Tyson, delighted by the invitation to talk, started to do so. "I'm Tyson, the cool one. I'm the best blader you'll ever see. The only thing I like better than a good Beyblade match is a good meal right after, if ya know what I mean."  
  
"I see," Voltaire said, looking none too impressed with Tyson.  
  
"I'm Max," Max said after a pause, trying to sound cheerful. "Your house is supercool, Mr. Hiwatari. It must have cost a lot of money."  
  
Voltaire smiled. "Money is nothing to a Hiwatari, my boy," he said, sounding smug and pleased.  
  
Rei looked at Max, who was smiling his big, lovable grin at Voltaire. Sneaky bastard, he was sucking up! Although, Rei thought, it was pretty smart. Might as well flatter the hand that feeds.  
  
"I'm Kenny, the computer guy. I like your house too...especially your cable connection. And your state-of-the-art satellite is pretty awesome too." Kenny, obviously following Max's lead, flashed Voltaire a smile. Unfortunately for him, his smile wasn't nearly as cute, and Voltaire merely nodded.  
  
"And you? You must be Rei, right? Kai mentions you all the time."  
  
"Oh," Rei said intelligently, for lack of a better thing to say.  
  
"Do you have a girlfriend?"  
  
"Um...no."  
  
"You don't sound very sure. Are you sure?"  
  
Rei looked around the table. His friends shrugged. "Yes, I'm sure. May I ask why?"  
  
Voltaire ignored his question. "How about a criminal record? Do you have one of those?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"No run-ins with the law whatsoever? What about bankruptcy? Has your family had any major financial problems?"  
  
Rei felt like he was being interrogated by the police---or, he *imagined* this was what it would feel like, because he has never been involved with the police. Ever. "I...it's hard to say, sir. I never knew my family. I grew up as an orphan in a remote Chinese village."  
  
Voltaire frowned. His grandson was running around with some Communist goat- herding village boy? He shot Kai a look of mild alarm. What if he had germs?!  
  
"I left the village in order to pursue Beyblading, though, when I was very young," Rei offered, feeling awkward in the ensuing silence.  
  
Oh good, there was hope for him yet. "Alright, I feel as though I know you a little better now. Let us commence dining."  
  
Tyson cheered. The meal was wonderful and luxurious, and they enjoyed it despite Voltaire's constant and unnerving gaze. Rei could swear that both Kai and his grandfather took turns staring at him. But maybe he was mistaken. Kai looked down at his plate, and almost immediately, Voltaire looked up. Oh my god, they really were switching off! Rei poked at his potatoes nervously. Maybe they were just keeping an eye on everyone, to see if their table manners were good. Yes, that must be it. He glanced at Tyson, who was literally stuffing his mouth by the handfuls, ignoring the perfectly good cutlery beside him. Okay, so they didn't care about table manners. Kai turned to observe him again. Rei just pretended Kai was staring at something behind him.  
  
By the time dinner was over, Rei was ready to piss in his pants from nervousness. Why did Kai always do that to him?!  
  
"Kai and I need to discuss some matters, so if you will kindly leave us...you are welcome to make yourselves at home, but please refrain from going into rooms with closed doors. If you need anything, do not hesitate to call for Gunther."  
  
With that, they were shown out. Rei had nothing better to do, so he went back to Tyson's and his room. He was in the middle of picking up after Tyson and wondering how Tyson managed to make such a mess in a few short hours when there came a knock at the door. Rei went to open it.  
  
"Kenny?"  
  
Kenny stood in front of Rei, holding a book and looking slightly embarrassed. Rei motioned for him to come in, but he shook his head. "I was doing some research in the admirably vast Hiwatari library when I stumbled upon a book that might be of interest to you." So saying, he thrust the book at Rei. "The Hiwatari family is very old and full of history. There are books in there that have been handed down for countless generations," Kenny prattled on, eyeing Rei. Who was eyeing the book.  
  
"'The Hiwatari Guide to Courtship'?" Rei raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Just read it," Kenny advised, leaving the room and closing the door behind him.  
  
Rei sat down on his bed and opened the book with trepidation. He chose a random page near the beginning and started reading.  
  
"Chapter 2: Getting Her to Notice You. Now that you have found a lady to your fancy, you must catch her attention. Young ladies enjoy a strong man. Constantly show off your incredible prowess to her. Put down those who are inferior, thereby making you look more formidable in comparison. I may be prudent to blatantly point out your strength occasionally, to ensure that your lady love does not see you as weak."  
  
Oh my fricking God, was this for real? Rei hurriedly flipped ahead.  
  
"Another way to make certain you catch your lady love's attention is through frequent touching. Little touches on the shoulder or arm will remind her of your presence. To further imprint your physical presence in her mind, more forceful touches are recommended. Shoving, hitting, kicking, and other forms of physicality can be very useful, as long as you do not injure her. Try also to provoke her into touching you in return, for a connection is made when both parties are actively involved in constant touching."  
  
Rei gulped. Is this what he thought it was?  
  
"Chapter 3: Winning Her Love. When you have quite befriended the lucky lady, you will have to show her that you are interested in more than her friendship. Show her that you care for every aspect of her life, and that you want nothing but the best for her. Lecture her when she does wrong, to show that you care deeply about her well-being. Single her out deliberately, and show that you prefer her above others.  
  
"On occasion, be aloof and cold, not only to your lady love but to everyone. This will deepen her interest, for she will desire to know more about you. It will also serve to show that you are not easily won over--- your feelings for her are real, for you are not free with your affection.  
  
"Being especially unkind to others will also gain the desired effect. She will see that you are not someone to be trifled with. She will also note that you will make a good mate, for you will keep threatening enemies at bay. "  
  
Kai...was doing all this...but was it directed towards Rei?  
  
"Chapter 4: Meet the Parents. When you are confident that she is ready to meet your family, bring her home with a large group of friends. A crowd will take the pressure off both of you, and she will be more comfortable when surrounded with people she knows. Let your parents ask her any questions they feel necessary---remember, your elders are there to look out for you. If they judge her to be an adequate mate for you, you have chosen well."  
  
If Voltaire really *was* drilling him, and Rei had a strong feeling he was, that would mean that he was Kai's chosen lady. Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god oh my god. Rei needed some advice from his trusted friends before he freaked out and did something he would regret later.  
  
He ran to the library and burst in, gripping the book so hard that his knuckles turned white.  
  
His friends looked up. "I take it you read the thing," Tyson said, looking amused.  
  
Rei stomped over with the book. "If this is a joke, I swear to God, I will take you by the balls and---"  
  
"Whoa! No need for violence! It's not a joke, man. Just ask the Chief...he found it first!" Tyson said, suddenly scared for his nether regions.  
  
Rei turned to Kenny.  
  
"No joke, Rei. Kai's been hitting on you all this time"  
  
Oh my god. Rei stood there, not quite sure what to do. "Well?" Tyson demanded. "Aren't you gonna go find Kai and confess that you return his feelings? You've been waiting *years* for an opportunity to have mad sex with him."  
  
Rei blushed. "Go, Rei!" Max encouraged, while Kenny and Tyson motioned enthusiastically for him to go.  
  
"Um...I don't know where his room is."  
  
"Oh, for---Rei, you'd think you'd be more prepared for this. Haven't you been having wet dreams about this day since you were 15?" Tyson said, giving Rei the 'you are truly pathetic' eye-roll. "GUNTHER!!!"  
  
The butler appeared, looking annoyed. "What is it *this* time, Tyson?"  
  
"Can you show Rei here to Kai's room? He needs to talk to him."  
  
Gunther looked at Rei. "Talk? Certainly. Follow me." And then he winked. Christ, did anyone *not* know about his crush on Kai???  
  
He followed Gunther down the many winding corridors. "He's not still with Voltaire, is he? They're not planning another way to take over the world, are they?" he asked, sounding worried.  
  
The butler laughed fondly. "Ah, yes, world domination does seem to be the family business. But I'm sure Master Voltaire will settle down and give up on the notion once he is sure Master Kai will be living a life of comfort with someone he loves." He looked at Rei meaningfully.  
  
Thankfully, before the moment could get too awkward, they arrived at Kai's room. Rei thanked Gunther, and then he was left on his own with nothing but his pounding heart to keep him company.  
  
He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.  
  
"Who is it?" Kai snarled.  
  
"Rei."  
  
The door swung open. "What the hell do you want?" Kai sneered, looking down at him.  
  
Rei felt his knees weaken. "Um, can we talk?" he managed to squeak out.  
  
Kai pulled him in and said, "Well? Talk."  
  
"Okay. Right. I have something to tell you. Kai...you...I think you're really strong."  
  
Kai raised his eyebrows in surprise. Rei hoped to god that 'Chapter 9: How to Tell if She Returns Your Feelings' was right.  
  
"And I think that you're the most mysterious person ever, and I want to learn everything there is to know about you. And I don't care what your grandpa thinks of me---screw your grandpa. I only care about what you think, no one else."  
  
Kai moved forward and stood about two centimetres away from him. The book said that was to intimidate and show affection at the same time. If the lady is intimidated, she is head over heels in love. "And Kai? You make me want to piss my pants."  
  
Kai's mouth crashed down onto his, tongue, teeth, lips and all. The last coherent action Rei managed to do before Kai started going for his pants was close the bedroom door.  
  
-end  
  
(feedback muchly welcomed) 


End file.
